


An anxious mess

by This_Ginger_Can_Not_Read



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 21:57:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17353346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Ginger_Can_Not_Read/pseuds/This_Ginger_Can_Not_Read
Summary: Logan and Virgil sometimes have a hard time seeing eye to eye. This can cause some stress on both parties. Trigger warning for anxiety attacks.





	An anxious mess

Virgil wasn’t meant for this. Watching Thomas panic over something he was dealing with was too much for the anxious side. He knew his presence was contributing to the panicking even, but he couldn’t help it! He wasn’t meant to help in these situations, but Patton AND Roman were nowhere to be found! 

“Virgil, please pay attention!” Virgil’s head snapped up from where he’d been staring at the ground and immediately curled in on himself at the look on Logan’s face. Infuriated, disgruntled, and most definitely out of his element, Logan was not great at keeping himself together when ALL of them were there, let alone just the two of them. 

“Listen pocket protector,” Virgil hoped he sounded a lot better out loud than he did in his head, his mind racing a million miles a minute. “I’m doing my best here. I’m anxiety! What are you expecting out of me?” Logan turned back to Thomas with a sneer, trying his best to help Thomas out. 

“It’s just so difficult sometimes because I know they care! I do! But it doesn’t always feel like it…” Thomas was really hurting right now. He wanted to be with his friends, he wanted to feel that love he gives them, but it was so hard sometimes. Virgil understood. He knew the sides loved him, but sometimes it was so difficult. Especially when-

“Virgil, I’m asking you nicely, can you please just help me on this one? This isn’t my department!” Virgil looked at Logan hesitantly, scared of the disapproving looks he knew the other was throwing at him. And of course, as soon as their eyes met, he had to look away. Logan was more than angry, he was livid right now. 

“Why can’t you ask  _ someone else _ to help? This is the opposite of my department. I’m just making this worse, Lo-” He was cut off by Logan turning to fully face him with those calculated and cold eyes, dark bags under them from not being able to sleep over this issue. He needed answers, not excuses, of course, but Virgil couldn’t provide those with the state he was in. He just wanted a way out of this! Thomas needed a friendly Patton to help him, or a passionate Roman who was ready to rant about how Thomas was loved... but Virgil didn’t feel very loved either. Especially not with the way Logan was looking at him. Especially not with what Logan said next: 

“Why can’t  _ you _ just do what I ask you to and not complain about it?” Virgil’s entire body froze up and he was just stuck staring at Logan with a shocked expression. The venom in his voice, the narrowed eyes that looked almost filled with  **hatred** . Even Thomas could see how this wasn’t going well for the sides and tried speaking up. 

But Virgil didn’t get to hear what Thomas said because he was too busy shaking, hands gripping the sleeves of his purple hoodie. He didn’t even know what he was staring at anymore. He just knew that he was breathing faster than normal and a mantra playing in his head that he had hoped would finally stop. He couldn’t tell whose voice he was listening to, only:

_ They hate you. They hate you. They hate you so much. Look at what you’ve done. You can’t help them. You’ve ruined them. He hates you. I know he does. _

He didn’t even notice that he was crying, tears dripping down his face and ruining his makeup, until he was blinking them away to make sense of the blue and grey in front of him. Patton was squatting down to be eye level. When Virgil sat down, he didn’t know, but he did know that he was having an anxiety attack on the staircase and Patton was right in front of him. Focus on him, focus on him- 

“That’s right kiddo, come on. Focus on me. Please. Breathe like I am. Four seconds in, hold for seven, out for eight.” Virgil reached out a shaky hand, gently touching his palm to Patton’s chest so he could feel his heart beating, feel his breathing. His breathing was shaky, but he was listening to Patton, trying his best to ground himself with the feeling and comfort of the father figure. He tried his best to match his breathing and soon he was becoming more aware of his surroundings. 

For one, Roman was talking quietly with Thomas, a hand on his shoulder while Logan stood near them, a frown etched on his face. He was nodding and saying something but Virgil moved his eyes back towards Patton, wanting comfort and not a repeat of the earlier incident. 

“I’m so proud of you kiddo, you’re doing great. Can you tell me something you can see?” Virgil knew this trick well. Grounding. You had to use all five senses, trying to work the mind back to the real world and away from the worries. “I see… the little logo on your shirt…” Virgil mumbled, fingers gently tracing the logo as he took another deep breath. The logo helped him remember that he was here, with Patton. He was breathing fine, with Patton. He was being comforted by Patton. Patton was here for him. He was loved. Just like Thomas was. Thomas’ friends also cared about him. Like Patton did. Like Roman did. Like Logan...

Patton smiled at him. “Hear?” Virgil listened intently, hoping to hear a bit of what Roman was saying but all he heard were the whispers and the air conditioner running. “The A/C.” It wasn’t the thing he wanted to hear, but it was real. It was something other than the issue at the hand. He could hear the whirring of the unit, trying to keep up with the heat of the summer sun. Patton nodded, looking around before his eyes landed back on Virgil. 

“Feel?” Virgil had one hand gripping his opposite arm, fingers bunching up the sleeve. The patches felt different from the actual jacket and he focused on it while his other hand was twitching, trying not to grip at Patton’s shirt. The cotton material felt new and soft under his fingers though. Feeling was the biggest issue for Virgil, because sometimes the touch was too much, but he needed this type of reassurance right now. Needed to feel how real this was. “Cotton.” That was enough for Patton’s smile to grow. 

“What can you smell?” Smell and taste were always odd ones, but right now Virgil could smell the remnants of the baking from earlier today. Patton had been in one of his moods, before running off with Roman, and had baked an array of molasses cookies. It smelled so sweet and he quirked a tiny smile at the thought of Patton dancing around in the kitchen as he sprinkled sugar on top of each cookie with the same dedication as the last one. Because Patton put love into everything. “Those cookies I’d like to eat.” Patton shook his head with a laugh. “In a few minutes.”

Patton reached into his pocket for a hard candy. He took Virgil’s hand, which had a tight grip on his left arm, and very gently took his hand into his own so he could place the hard candy into Virgil’s hand. This was something that Patton kept on him to help Virgil with the grounding moments. Things like peppermint or sour candies helped to really capture the attention and bring you back to where you are. Virgil couldn’t help but blink back tears at the kind gesture. 

Little did he know, as he calmed down and grounded himself, becoming more aware of his surroundings and how much he was loved, Thomas did as well. He spoke to Princey with a happy little smile on his face, reminiscing about kind things his friends had done for him to help with the ache. It meant a lot to him and he didn’t even have the words to explain how thankful he was. 

Neither did Virgil. When Patton asked him about taste, he popped the little candy into his mouth and hummed happily at the taste of peppermint filling his mouth. He smiled softly and looked up at Patton. Patton had to keep himself from squealing at how cute Virgil was being. “I like the peppermint ones the best.” He whispered. Patton leaned in close and gently kissed Virgil’s forehead. “I know kiddo.” Patton whispered back. 

It took a little while, but after their shared moment, Patton stood back up, holding out a hand for Virgil. Virgil took his hand in both of his and sat for a moment, just running his fingers over Patton’s hand. This was Patton. Patton loved him. With a nod to himself, he pulled himself up with Patton’s help and both turned to Thomas now. 

“Feeling better, Thomas?” Patton asked, his hand still holding Virgil’s. He laced their fingers together and  squeeze gently. Virgil smiled but kept his eyes on Thomas. Thomas laughed and nodded. “What about you, Virge?” Virgil shrugged, holding up the hand holding Patton’s. “Never been better.” 

Logan cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention and Virgil felt his smile fall a little. “Well, now that this has been cleared up, I think we all have a bit of work to do, wouldn’t you say?” Roman nodded and looked to Patton, who also nodded. Virgil shrugged, not really looking at Logan. “Right then. Good bye Thomas.” 

After leaving, Logan immediately went for his room. He was already down the hall by the time the other three showed up. Roman stayed behind with Patton to make sure that “Surly Quinn” was doing okay. He even placed a hand on his shoulder, after asking if it was okay, and told him that he was always welcome and needed here. Hearing that from Princey had Virgil looking down and nodded, face red from the raw truth Roman spoke. 

 

Hours later, Virgil was laying on his bed, scrolling through tumblr when he heard a knock at his door. Expecting it to be Patton, Virgil got up, walking over to the door in pajamas he wouldn’t normally let the others see, but if it was Patton, it was okay-

It wasn’t Patton. Instead, when Virgil pulled the door open, it was Logan. His hand was raised, ready to knock again, but awkwardly let his hand drift down at the sight of Virgil. Logan looked him over before meeting his eyes. Virgil couldn’t even move. 

“It has come to my attention that I’ve made an error in the way I treated you today.” Logan began, adjusting his tie and looking Virgil in the eye to ensure he understood him completely, but only succeeding in making him uncomfortable. “Uh, Lo, it’s fine. It’s whatever, don’t worry about it.” But Logan was shaking his head, stepping into the room with Virgil and taking a seat on his bed, something very out of character for him.

“Virgil, it’s not ‘whatever’. It’s not okay. What I did today…” Logan trailed off, staring down at his hands. “I should never have treated you like that, no matter how frustrated I was. I fed into the fears, into your anxieties. And I’m dreadfully sorry.” Virgil, not really knowing what to say, sat down next to Logan, his feet dangling off the end of the bed. They waited a beat before Logan was speaking again, probably picking his words carefully. “You don’t deserve that kind of treatment. I should’ve been aiding you and helping your confidence… not giving you fuel for those fears and your self-deprecating thoughts. I know today was a struggle for you and I made it worse. I won’t be able to forgive myself for that. I put you through too much today.” 

Virgil had no words. Logan wasn’t one who apologized. He didn’t like acknowledging being wrong at all. So he knew that Logan was really distraught over this. “You’re very much loved. And you were amazing help today. I wish that I hadn’t gotten so irritated, but that’s no excuse.” Logan side eyed Virgil sadly. “I will work harder to be better at this. I’m learning.” Virgil nodded, and Logan nodded to himself once before looking back at his hands, clenching and unclenching them. 

Not knowing what else to do, Virgil reached a hand over and clasped one of Logan’s in his own, letting him squeeze his hand. “Today was… not fun.” Virgil murmured, looking at their hands. “Thomas was going through too much and we were both overwhelmed and you made a misstep.” Logan nodded, running his thumb over the back of Virgil’s knuckles. “But, you know you did something wrong and came here to apologize. We all make mistakes, but it takes a bigger person to admit them. Next time, we’ll work together at these situations.” 

Both sat silent for a minute, just appreciating being together and the day being over. “If you wouldn’t mind,” Logan began slowly, glancing at Virgil. “I’d like to learn those grounding techniques for you. To help better.” The smile that graced Virgil’s face made Logan’s heart hurt and he wasn’t one for feelings. How he could’ve said what he did and act how he had to this beautiful man was beyond Logan. But Virgil nodded and squeezed his hand tightly in his own. “Thank you for trying, Lo. It means a lot to me.” Virgil leaned against his shoulder and Logan leaned his head on top of Virgil’s. “For you, I’d do anything.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this was a good read!


End file.
